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Hazards Of Extreme Camping
By J. D. Adams, Fri Dec 9th
Hazards of Extreme Camping By J. D. Adams Seeking direction as ayouth, I bought a compass and wandered into the savage heart ofthe wilderness. Oregon's history came alive as I retracedpioneer trails and skied cross-country to skyline camps. Now,grizzled and trout revering, I offer this to show that extremecamping is so much more than surviving the crux of desolation inwet shoes. Many campers have succumbed to their own campingequipment. Mummy bags were named for their tendency to shiftaround on the victim during the night, so you wake up facing anominously shroud-like interior. Only by struggling absurdly withthe sleeping bag can one return to the world of the living.Often during the struggle, everything in the tent containingVelcro will attach itself around the victim, creating amonstrous appearance. The flailing around will eventually rollthe tent over, impaling the occupants on camping sundries andcovering them with loose oatmeal. The modified mummy bag with afuller cut is more comfortable and less likely to inciteclaustrophobic reactions. Tents can function as rain collectiondevices, drawing moisture into the seams and through the fabricby a process still a mystery to camping scientists. Condensationand leakage collaborate to float the occupant on an inland sea,or upon rising, the victim is met by gallons of super-cooledwater holding in the tent fly such that rebirth and amphibiousregression are not unlikely. The stakes are high in the tentgame, where experience with a good basic design like thefreestanding dome tent will ensure dry and comfortable slumber.Before setting up your tent, inspect the lay of the ground forwhere water may pool up, and look overhead for precarious snagsand branches. The priming of gas stoves typically produces afireball that is great for trimming those bushy eyebrows, alsogiving a hard outdoorsy look to the face. Working the stove isalways great fun, a bit like being an astronaut and firing theafterburners.
Some people get into character, shouting termslike “throttle up!” and “more power!” as they operate the pumpand valves to avoid the dreaded “flameout”! Overcooking is theresult, like your mother’s pork chops. Periodic cleaning of thestove hardware is necessary for easy starting. Backpacks havecome a long way from the L-shaped wooden frame and attachedrucksack. The principle is still the same, to explore the limitsof human endurance like Lewis and Clark on a bad day. The innerframe pack is more streamlined, allowing gazelle-like movementthrough the wilderness. Skiing and climbing is easier with apack that is closer to your center of gravity. The exteriorframe pack is the most comfortable for normal hiking conditions.Regardless of the type of pack, choose a model with wide, firmpadding on the waist and shoulder straps. Prior to mastering thetelemark and snowplow turns, the novice skier will tend tohurtle out of control across the unsuspecting landscape; theirapproach marked by a cloud of forest debris and the raucouscries of tormented wildlife. Elk and bear stampede fearfully.Cross-country skiing with a full pack combines the grace ofdrunkenness with the feel of a military exercise. Once mastered,expeditions can be launched into the high country, where analtered state will settle in from oxygen deprivation, andannoying tunes may run through the head. Often giddiness willpersist well into the later stages of hypothermia that can onlybe cured by fishing. About the author:I have worked with avionics, communications, computers, andconsumer electronics. I honed my skills in technical writingduring this time. Yearning to exercise my creativity, Ibroadened my writing topics to include history, the outdoors,and travel. I have been published in local newspapers andseveral Oregon travel websites.
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