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Child Communication Skill
By Joseph Browns, Fri Dec 9th
Here’s the scene of communication with your child: yourthree-year-old boy is bawling his eyes out. Hurriedly, you runover, and ask “What’s wrong?”. But no answer is spoken, thetears just keep coming out, and the vocal cords just keep onsaying “waaaaaaah!”. You start talking to him in that sweet and soft voice of yoursto cajole him to tell you what his problem is. You really wanthim to calm down now. But when he’s asked questions like “Issomething hurting you?” or “Are you hungry?” he doesn’t answer.He just keeps on crying. Your sweet soft voice keeps on going, hoping to find that magicbreakthrough to get him to stop crying. After a while, thefrustration builds up within you. You just can’t get through tohim. He’s just not saying anything. The smoke starts to build upin your ears. You want to help, but there’s this communicationbarrier now between you and your boy. So you persist, but stillyour boy ain’t budging from his bawling.
So now what are you going to do? What you’re dealing with here is an issue of communication.Communication between people is a very complex process involvinglanguage, symbolism, nuances, non-verbal signals and so on. Allthe more so with young children. Because of their young age andlack of education, development and experience in communicatingthemselves, they can often have nearly-impossible-to-overcomebarriers in trying to express themselves. You probably wish to have the kind of home environment where:not only your kids say what they think or feel but also... youcan understand them all the time. You need to break down thosebarriers of communication that keep you from fulfilling yourrelationships with your kids. You can be a part of their livesin a very healthy and helpful way. Would you believe that children who are actually good andwell-meaning become “bad” children simply because they arefrustrated over wanting to express a simple feeling or idea?Imagine this: They want or need something. But they cannotexpress it because they don’t know how. So they do what they know. Like doing something around the housethat’s not allowed -break a toy, scream, cry, pull their youngersibling’s hair, etc. Do you (or any other parent) want such a thing in your home?Probably not. You can find out for yourself that with a few steps, you can goa long way to overcoming some of these communication barriers.Develop routines and habits with your children during thosetimes when all is going well, so that when the crisis does come,you are already prepared for it. It
works the same way aspreventive medicine. Work with the issue BEFORE it becomes aproblem. On your own you can try a few of these pointers. Have in yourmind the goal that you want to achieve- a freely flowingcommunication with your children. You and your children shouldbe able to talk to one another in a very calm expressive wayusing words, sentences, gestures, facial expressions and thelike. (Note: This means that yelling and screaming in anger isNOT considered a healthy communication. It will often result inthe listener reacting to the outburst in a unhealthy way. Thisis especially true for when parents yell at their children.) Take upon yourself to try some of the following exercises, andsee what the results are: - Show the child that you are ready to listen and pay fullattention to what the child is saying. Let the child feel thatthere is someone who is going to try to listen to them. Thiswill cut down on the degree of frustration for the child.
- Encourage the child to talk in full sentences if possible.Sometimes children (who can actually talk properly) often justwhine, cry, or say one-word expressions, simply because they areaccustomed to doing so.
- Prepare different options for thechild to express himself- signs, objects, drawing, etc. You needto be creative here. Sometimes ideas can be expressed in themost unconventional ways- e.g. a child can create a scenariowith toy figures.
- Make sure you are able to repeat to thechild what the child said to you. This is a crucial part of theprocess because for the child this is the guaranteedconfirmation that you understood the child’s expression.
Story: Someone hit 6-year-old Sally. Sally comes home crying.Mommy keeps on asking Sally what happened, but for some reasonshe can’t say it in words. Mommy takes Sally by the hand andbrings her over to the art table where there is some paper andsome big fat kiddie markers ready for her. Sally sits down andstarts drawing in her 5-year-old way the following picture:stick figures of a little girl and a little boy. The boy has hishand on the girl’s face. Mommy sees this and figures that theboy is hitting the girl in the face. She asks Sally if this isso. Sally nods. “AHA!” thinks Mommy. “now I understand.....” About the author:Joseph Browns (http://www.home-educational-toys.com) wants toshare his experiences and expertise in how parents can findvaluable opportunities for quality time with children to acquirepriceless family memories. A total environment approach istaken, dealing with issues like educational toys, parent-childrelationships, environmental + interior design, health,communication skills, and child education.
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